Yes, I'm going to rant here and like blame myself for being so coward. I really hate myself for not taking risks. And I want to be "documented" how, sometimes, you Honey are like so freaking selfish. That maybe in years, you'll gonna laugh on how, sometimes, selfish and self-centered and childish you are.
And yes, hello Honey this is the perfect time to grab this "opportunity" that someone is really really serious about you. YOU. JUST. HAVE. TO. GIVE. HIM. A. FUCKING. CHANCE you know?? There's nothing wrong with it. Really, what's the matter with you? Why you're holding back? He is not that same a-hole person you've meet before, he's not that person. Both of them are totally different people. Just give him that chance to prove that and he's willing to do that, just give him the fucking chance that you're fucking holding onto your heart.
I'm just totally totally afraid that if I get into relationship, or even just merely entertaining people, I'll screw up to death. I have this totally unexplainable panaroia that bad luck is always on my side when it comes to relationship. I TOTALLY DO. And it's just hard, really really hard to trust again and have this weird connection with the male species. I have this weird paranoia that they're not trustful people at all, that all of them lie and I hate this freaking weird paranoia which drags me to the bottom. God, I have soo many issues it really fucking sucks.
And I have a bad mouth :P
Anyways, I try to compose the proper way and think the way a lady should be. BUT I'M JUST FREAKING OUT SERIOUSLY, LIKE REALLY REALLY FREAKING OUT. BECAUSE WHAT IF THIS PERSON IS THE ONE AND I WILL JUST PASS THAT CHANCE. GOD HONEY YOU ARE PATHETIC IF YOU LET HIM GO. T_____________T
I like him but I'm afraid. I want to know him more but I'm afraid. He likes me, I like him but I'm fucking afraid to risk.
So freaking teenager eh.
I'm going to butt in big time...
ReplyDeleteThis is what I said to a friend yesterday:
There is a HUGE paradox when talking about relationships. We say, go easy and guard yourself. But in reality, no one ever accomplishes anything by guarding themselves. It's when we take a chance, when we dive in that things happens. That magic happens.
Go for it, and don't be afraid. Do it with the mindset that everything will be right. Don't doom the possible relationship by undermining it with negative thoughts and expectations.
The thing is, the doubt of the "what if" is a lot more damaging than a broken heart. We learn from a broken heart, we grow from it and learn to love better and wiser. The "what if" eats us down, plagues us with questions and doesn't teach us anything.
If all, go for it simply because you can. Especially because, in the past, when you couldn't, you would have dived in, no questions asked.
You are stronger than you think you are Honey, believe in yourself. <3
Awwwwww thank you very much for this Paula. I truly appreciate all the words you said here =) And I love you for that, I do. Totally in confusion mode but hopefully, I'm choosing the right decision. I let you know what will happen =)
ReplyDeleteIt's totally a great boost to read something like this. And yes I'm believing I'm stronger than I think! Thanks again Paula *HUGS!*