Dear you, yes you,
You might be special because apparently I'm making a "love letter" here . It's just that no matter how I tried to "comprehend" what you've done, questions are still lingering on my mind. And they're like what-the-fuck-kinda-questions you know.
Firstly, you have that shallow reason that I can't even typed/talked here because it's funny I can't believe it's the real reason because hello it's 2013 and I mean 2014. We're not even high school students anymore. You are 33 and I'm 31 and we are in the same maturity level..but hey that's what I thought so too.
The thing between us could be beautiful and promising and delightful and easy and comfortable. I can stay true to myself without thinking if I'm saying/acting wrong or not. We have a lot of things in common, we share the same taste in music, food and practically everything. You're the most control one and I'm like the "freak out queen" and you're fine with it because "we will be fine" as you say. You let me breathe when I needed to, you're a great listener and you're super fun to talk with.
But why these things right now has to happen. I might have, yes, tantrums and quirks and topak or whatever, but those makes me a normal person, a true human being with flaws and everything. But your first reason why you don't want me to see again is really really hurtful and offensive.
Your second reason of marriage requires a lot of serious talks and attention. Your reason of me being a "dalagang dalaga" in terms of priorities and goals in life this year reflect how pushy you as a person. For the record, we're just seeing/talking/getting to know each other for like months. And I have a valid reason why I can't talk marriage just yet because hello I fuckin wanna know you better! Because I want to find a husband who will love me and will live me for the rest of forever eternity shit. FYI, we don't have divorce in the Philippines so figure that out.
And yes, I wanna get married, I wanna have kids, I wanna have a supportive husband, a wonderful home to live with my family. BUT you have to give me the time that I need to be mentally, emotionally, spiritually prepared for the concept of marriage. You told me you were turned off on me because on how I evade the questions of marriage, or the fact that it's not merely on my plan YET. But hey, doesn't mean I don't talk about marriage, I don't want it!
If you really love me, want and need me in your life. You will be a little patient (like only a year, yes, 12 months-patient) for me. I'm 31, I've waited all my life to find you. I've prayed that someone will be here for me no matter what. So when you came, I thought this is it, I just need the time to settle everything in and this is it. Then seriously, you got this reason and you wave it off of my face just like that. And it hurts a little because I thought you understand, I thought you will be a little patient. All I ask is just a little time for me to be able to dive in all of these things.
Thank you very much for making my birthday REALLY memorable BUT, honestly, the sadness on Christmas Day isn't bearable and understandable at all. Yes, thank you very much for being that person whom I thought I am super comfortable with. It's more of like SAYANG! And for the love of God, why you have to act like a real jerk, selfish, immature and very childish?
I appreciate the talk we had last time to clear things out. Thank you for listening to my side. Thank you for airing your side on me and for giving out another "chance/time/another shot" for whatever it is needed to be worked out, for giving me the time that I need to be "mentally prepared" on everything and for whatever adjustments I need to do.
I pray to God that from here to day forward, everything will be settled in, confusions will be gone and I'm hopeful that amazing, great things still will work out on our side, like the way we plan and dream.
Honey
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